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Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Obsessions

I wrote this blog three years ago, and never posted, but finding it now was a nice reminder on priorities, incidentally, I still want to go shopping for new pants, but will hold off today. As we continue missionary life in Angola, I am noticing changes in my priorities, that I hope will stick with me wherever I live in the world. I'm not sure if I'm just growing in normal aging wisdom or if it's because of my living in a developing world. You may enlighten me with your responses. But this year I'm realizing the silliness of the weight I place on material things. Specifically how I want others to think of me. (I do realize not everyone thinks of me). How silly is it that we buy new clothes every year, not because our old clothes are worn out, but because we don't want our neighbor to think we are caught in last years style. How silly is it that we need to have a different thing to wear each day for at least three weeks. How silly is it that our closets are so full of clothes that we forget about what is all in there. Well, I think it's silly. I mean, I do think it's silly, but as soon as I walk outside today, I will see a women that I don't know, wearing something that I wish I had. Or I'll see a new style on TV, and begin imagining how good that would look on me; forgetting that I have a closet full of beautiful clothes that are in very good condition, and that fit me well enough. I've decided today, to do my best to change my perspective, (with God's help). Instead of leaving a room, hoping everyone thought my kids were the cutest in their latest clothes. And that I have an amazing body that should be desired. (Embarrassing, but I do think about that.) I hope that I can leave people thinking, "that family loves God" or leave people feeling loved themselves. Can I love people in a way that is noticeable? Do I even love people? I've been praying for the last 18 years, since I learned that I don't love people, I've been praying that God would help me to love Him more, and to love people like He does. And to see people through his eyes. Wow, I can tell you one thing. He does answer that prayer eventually, but it is a burden to love people. And it's amazing to love an unlovable person. But I think, it was so hard for me to love others because I was too busy loving myself. (I'm still pretty busy loving myself) And sometimes you can love someone and ache for them, but cannot help them. That is the hardest and best thing. It's hard because we cannot help them, but it's good because we know who can, and through our great love for that person, we spend notable time praying for him or her-- which is something. So, now I will try, to stop spending so much time, money and effort loving myself and worrying about what others think of me; and work on my loving skills. How can I love that person better? How can I let them know that I love them? What do my kids think that I care about? I hope it's that I love. "Create in me a clean heart oh, Lord; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your Spirit oh Lord, take not your Holy Spirit from me." --Psalms 51:10 "If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. 4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,…--I Corinthians 13 Thanks for Reading, Lori

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